Selina must be going through a teething phase or something…she’s been eating almost every hour and taking little hour-long catnaps.  I’m pretty sure she is really uncomfortable, she’s been both sweet and fussy at the same time.  Bedtime has been a hassle as well, she just doesn’t want to go to bed!  I thought maybe her gums were bothering her, but I later realized her dry skin was bothering her, so a fresh application of cream and little baby neck massage helped make her feel better.  She’s been hard to burp lately, and so she ends up spitting up later if she doesn’t manage to burp herself.  It gets on her neck and basically gives her a dry, red rash on her skin.  I’ve been better about putting a bib on her, but she always gets me when I put her down for naps, I forget to put the bib back on!

She’s been super adorable lately, she loves exploring my face and chatting with me, while I try to avoid being poked in my eye and getting little fingers stuck up my nose.  She is slowly working on rolling over. Right now she is closer to flipping from back to front, and she can actually maneuver herself small distances (a few inches) just using her legs during tummy time.  She ends up rotating like a clock because her arms aren’t strong enough to work with her really strong leg muscles.

She amazes me so much, especially when she listens to me reading to her, or how she’ll smile at me when she hasn’t seen me in a bit.  I get now, why people are so big about being moms.  I also think about how unique she is, her heritage as a Punjabi-Mexican girl makes her very special, especially since I haven’t seen many current Punjabi or Sikh Indians marrying outside their culture, much less to a Mexican woman.  In any case, she’s pretty cute right now and quite clever  so I say our cultural experiment has worked.

Sometimes I think about how she might see me, how I can make myself a better person so I won’t let her down.  Every year I make resolutions, most of which I fulfill, but the one that usually eludes me is my weight and fitness goals.  This year I want to be a more positive person, to not fall into the trap of looking for bad things.  I also resolve to increase my fitness by working out a few times a week, and of course, lose the baby weight (15 lbs, sheesh).  I also want to have a 75% completion rate for my projects since I’m really good at starting, but not finishing things.

I think that’s a good start for this year, all these goals are attainable, semi-finite and can be measured in some way.  I would also like to be better about my sleep habits, but I think that might be difficult, especially since I’m here, awake, and not sleeping as I should.

I am tempted to work on my shutterfly photo album but I better not, I will need all my energy to complete my tamales project tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

I am grateful for my daughter, Selina, she’s my biggest reason to be thankful this year.  Tonight she is sleeping sweetly in her crib, unswaddled, and looking like a little angel.  She was so well-behaved (except when I put her down for her naps) while we cooked, cleaned and got the house ready for my family visit.  I am glad she is healthy, although I would really like to figure out a fool-proof way to deal with her dry skin, and a way to conquer her cradle cap.

After all my mom’s comments, she ended up coming to Seattle after all, although she wouldn’t stop talking about how traumatizing it was for her.  I think she came because she didn’t want to miss out on Selina’s first Thanksgiving.  The sad part was that I forgot to take pictures of our feast!

We ended up with roast turkey (roasted upside down and brined with Gus’ secret spice recipe), mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, salad, rolls, baked beans, corn, asparagus, Dutch apple pie, pumpkin pie, Jello cheesecake with dark chocolate and homemade berry topping.  I killed that cheesecake, it was soooo good with the berry and dark chocolate layer.  All I did was melt some dark chocolate, and poured a thin layer of it over the graham cracker crust, then I put in the cheesecake layer, and used my berry mix sauce on top.  The berries consisted of blackberries, blueberries, raspberries and strawberries, and they were just the right mix of sweet and tart.

Speaking of decadence, I managed to lose 4 lbs this week, although I think I gained a few back today, haha.  I’m trying to do the 30-day shred, and I’ve been doing it since last week, and I only missed two days.  I can’t tell that my figure is improving, but I’m satisfied that my weight is going down.  This is the first time I’ve dropped weight in over a month and a half, so naturally I’m really glad that the hard work is paying off so quickly.  I still have a lot to lose, around 15 lbs, but that won’t be too bad if I’m dropping the weight so quickly.

I’m pretty tired so I think I’ll crash, but I’ll say one last thing, I am very grateful that I survived this year, that I have a little girl, that my husband still loves me and that everyone’s health is good.

She started wearing 6 month sleepers at 3 months, she is growing length-wise, but not really getting chubby, except for her limbs and face.  I noticed the other day that her face got rounder somehow, thank goodness I’m getting better at taking videos of her now, although that means I have been lax about taking photos!

I am also trying out some patterns to make her some soft cotton pants.  Ideally I would love to make her pajamas in cotton, such as a kimono top and some matching pants.  I was really interested in making her dresses though.  Old-school fluffy dresses are my secret love.  Still not a fan of pink.

I went through her clothes and pulled all the 6 month sleepers.  As a FTM (first-time mom), I learned a secret about baby clothes.  The first clothing items that she grew out of was her sleepers, the ones with the long legs and sometimes have little footies attached them.  Then she grew out of her pants, then her jackets and then finally she grew out of her onesies.   I think it is because she is growing longer, and hasn’t gotten chunky.  It’s funny how she’s turning out to look like Gus, physically.  She has the same body type as him, which is good, she should have a healthy body shape through-out her life if I teach her good eating habits.

I keep forgetting to get her ears pierced, mostly because we need to make an appointment with her pediatrician.  We have two pairs of earrings for her, one from her grandparents and the other pair from Raju-virji and family.  Raju-virji’s family also got her some party dresses and a high chair, which I put together (practically no installation).  She likes the high chair so far, it’s nice to put her there when I make breakfast. She likes it better than lying on the floor.

Anyway, let’s hope this week will go better.  She’s been on a weird sleep cycle, where she hardly naps during the day and by evening she’s so dead that she’ll sleep for 5-6 hours (until I wake her).  I am not sure what to do to make her more amenable to naps.  It’s a mom-dilemma.

I also found out that my mom isn’t coming for Thanksgiving.  She is determined not to come because she said that Snoqualmie Pass will be snowy and that she doesn’t want to deal with it, even if it is clear.  I don’t know why she’s being like that, but she seems to want to be alone for Thanksgiving, she already bought a turkey.  I don’t get it honestly, I asked to consider keeping an eye on the pass and coming whenever it is clear, so she can come but she got really grouchy and said she wasn’t going to do it, period.  I don’t know what to do with her sometimes.

It was a little scary dealing with so many kids.  I told Gus I could handle it, and I still think I can, but I definitely think that it will take a lot more out of me than I thought.  I was so tired today, and it was one of those times where I told Gus that he needed to watch the baby, that I didn’t want to do anything.  And I didn’t.  I tried to watch a show and fell asleep instead.  I felt a little guilty because I had all these things I wanted to do, and didn’t get any of them done. And tomorrow I plan to eat lunch with a friend, but I am going to try to not feel guilty about that either.

I don’t remember if I mentioned that I am on unemployment, and have been trying to look for some side jobs, and out of the blue, my old work called, wanting me to do some temp work for a week.  And of course that meant that the unemployment office wanted me to come in on the same day I was going in for work, so now I have to call them on Monday and get it rescheduled for next week.  Not to mention that I haven’t gotten my costume together.  I have nothing prepared.  Selina’s costume needs fixing and Gus has his ready so we are good there, at least.

Anyway back to our friend’s visit.  Selina actually had fun playing with the other kid’s toys, and they had fun with her stuff because most of it was 6+ months.  She was smiling at everyone, but she had no idea what to do with the other baby.  She kept pouting and then crying every time he’d try to to communicate with her. Other than that, she was actually pretty good for the whole morning but we paid for it later.  She didn’t want to go to bed, had multiple temper tantrums, and had a lousy bath experience due to her tiredness.

It could have been worse, we were supposed to have a family dinner but it got cancelled so we didn’t have to get that done as well too.  My MIL was a bit peeved that she had prepped everything and it got cancelled, but at least she has food ready for the next few days, she can rest and not have to cook too much.  It’s a small silver lining, but it is something.

When it comes to my own silver linings, it is much harder to see them though.  I remember thinking that I get so resentful at times because I feel like I have to be the responsible one at all times.  I might not be as patient or disciplined at keeping my emotions in check, but I realized that I am disciplined when it comes to money and getting things done.

Some days I wonder if it is fair that I will deal with Selina when she is having a bad day, and other people can just hand her off to someone else when it gets too loud or difficult.  I get grumpy sometimes when Gus can hand the baby to his mom, or his parents can put her in the swing and let the machine deal with her, rather than learn to deal with her themselves.  When I think about it though, it isn’t a bad thing that they can do that, what is stopping me from handing her off and saying, “hey, I can’t handle it right now, please help me.”  I’m not sure, sometimes it feels like I need to take of these problems because it is my responsibility as a mother, and other times it feels like I’m doing it because I want to feel like I have the strength to overcome the issue, I won’t “give up” so easily.

I’m not sure if any of this is right or wrong, if I’m overthinking it or if I have a point.

I remember that people told us that having a baby can put a strain on a couple’s relationship, and I can see how it could happen.  Petty resentments build up, people have different expectations of what should happen, etc. and when it reaches a certain point, people can get really upset.  I don’t have any troubles talking to Gus about things, but I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with, especially when it comes to telling me that things aren’t going the way they should.   I am working on that.  But at least Gus and I have been together long enough that we can eventually figure out what needs to be done, even if it isn’t exactly the way we planned.

It isn’t easy though, being married has brought out so many complex relationships and problems that didn’t exist.  One of our friends was thinking of popping the question and Gus told him that if he wasn’t able to talk to his woman about tough issues, then it would only get worse once they got married.  I told our friend that he should think about how her and his families would play into their relationship, they can have a big influence on whether you will have additional problems due to personality conflicts and other related issues.

I hope he figures it out and can make a good decision for his life.  Makes me wonder what kinds of questions that Selina will ask me when she gets bigger, or when she becomes an adult.  I hope she will be able to come to me with the tough questions, not because I will always agree with her, but because she knows I will do my best to think about the issue and try to help her come to a conclusion that will help her make a good decision for her life.

Now I think I will either a) go take a nap or b) work on Selina’s costume

Still, it helps a lot since Gus has the car and I can’t really leave the little one alone.  She’s sleeping right now, which is nice because it gave me time to corral all our luggage and worldly goods into the front room.  Sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to swaddle her for her naps and bedtime.  It works very well but I know at some point she will need to learn how to sleep without it.  If she’s not too fussy I try to swaddle her loosely so she can break out of it at some point, and then she ends up sleeping like a biology frog, it’s really cute.  But for now, it’s swaddling and her sherpa blankie on her legs or she’ll keep waking up and fussing.

Last night she was really fussy after her bath.  We figured out that the hotel towels were too scratchy so I brought her duck-patterned towel and that was much better, no screeching or wailing.  Still, she had a fit as I rubbed in the heavy cream we have to use to keep her skin somewhat hydrated.   She kept letting out these ear-piercing shrieks and Gus was wondering why she was making such a ruckus, as opposed to crying.  I read on babycenter that other moms were having similar issues right around this time because the babies got their 2-month shots and learned how to shriek, so now they were using their new skills.  Ugh.

I also learned that Selina would be losing some of her baby hair, so I got all worried because even though she has some wacky cowlicks on her head, she has a nice full head of hair.  Then I learned it was mostly focused in the areas that get rubbed when she sleeps.  Most babies have it on the back of their heads, but Selina likes to sleep with her head turned to my right, so she has a thin spot there.  Luckily she has a ton of hair so it’s easy to hide with some strategic combing.  Now if I could only figure out how to deal with her hair on the crown of her head.  It has a natural poof so it sticks up and makes her head look cone-shaped, and the back likes to stick up as well.  I think I need to invest in some baby elastics so I can put the offending hair in a baby ponytail on top, similar to Pebbles from the Flintstones.

Speaking of hair, I need a haircut, especially since my hair has hit that point where it is shedding regularly again (which for me is a lot).  I hate getting my hair cut though, they always cut too much off and it’s pretty long for me, so I kinda want to keep it that way.  Still, it’s time to bite the bullet, it’s getting dry on the ends and that never feels nice.

So what I want to know, is how to keep a stylist from cutting too much off?  They always cut too much, and it pisses me off.

Enough about my hair.  Makes me feel grumpy just writing about it.   I think today I will consider my to-do list for the coming weekend/week.

• Laundry
• Unemployment paperwork
• Make appointment for ear piercing
• Select photos for printing (India)
• Select photos for album (Selina)
• Select photos for baby room
• print
• put into frames
• Put away winter clothes
• Pack up summer clothing
• Pack up maternity clothing

The day of my induction was a series of errors and misunderstandings.  My doctor, a resident, told me the day before that I could show up for my induction anytime after 7:30 a.m.  So in my brain, I figured I could come in around noonish, which gave Gus time to go to work, and his family time to prepare for the wait.  At 7:00 a.m., the induction receptionist called and wanted to know why I wasn’t there yet.  I was still half-asleep, and said, “I’m sleeping!” and to my surprise, she said, “GET UP!”.  I was awake by then, and I already got stressed thinking that we were late and the nurse was very adamant that we get there by 8:30 a.m., which is impossible if you are working on Indian Standard Time.

Gus was a lot more calm than me, which made me feel better, I was already nervous about the induction and being late made me feel worse.  He told me to relax, and we got ready at our own pace, but that meant that we didn’t get there until 10:30 a.m. We ended up taking two cars, the van with my Mom, Gus and I, while Gus’ parents took their car and we met at Swedish First Hill.

No it isn’t tummy time, but at least she’s getting some exercise.

I did figure out a way to distract her while she’s doing tummy time.  She has one of those play mats with hanging doodads and on one end, it has a plastic mirror and a ball rattle.  So I folded it up so the mirror pointed up so she could see it, and then laid her over my leg, so she is effectively kneeling over my leg.  She’s got her head up, she’s busy looking at the mirror and the next thing you know, 5 minutes passed by.  Yeah it’s not that long, but it’s pretty good for her, she gets annoyed after 30 seconds, or at least it feels that way.

Yeah, I’m a weird mama.

I won’t lie, it isn’t easy for me, and sometimes I miss going to work, looking cute and having the freedom to come and go as I please.  But now I have a little companion that is always with me, wants me around and thinks I’m the best thing ever.  I hope that I will live up to her expectations, at least at this point I am.

Right now my little Sweet Pea is 10 weeks, I think…I’m really not good at keeping track of her lifespan, especially since it is so small.  So she’s over two months old, and she’s really starting to show her personality.  She is not a sweet child, but she has so much energy and alertness that I don’t mind.  She isn’t laid back at all, at least not in comparison to the children I have met that are near or at the same age as her.

Every day she wakes up with a big smile for me, and she can’t wait to be unswaddled so she can do one of her long, back-arching stretches.  I’d keep her unswaddled but she just can’t sleep without it, she ends up wiggling around and keeping herself awake.  A typical day includes waking up around 5 a.m. for her breakfast, then going straight back to bed for another hour or two if I’m lucky.  Ideally she wakes up after I get done making breakfast for Gus, and then he is able to see her before he leaves for work, but sometimes she wakes up early and that is always troublesome because once she’s up, she doesn’t like staying in her bed.  Sometimes I put her in the swing while I cook breakfast.  She doesn’t like being confined into carseat-styled devices, but she will stay in there longer now that she has discovered the toys hanging from the top of the swing’s arch.

Her next activity is usually feeding, getting her diaper changed, applying cream to her dry skin, changing her outfit and then if she’s still good, we’ll either listen to music, or do some leg bicycles to Mariachi Loco or El Baile Del Mono.  I’ve always liked these songs because they are cheerful and now she recognizes them as time to have some fun!

After that, another nap, then feeding, and depending on her mood, I’ll give to the in-laws, or if I’m in Sunnyside, we’ll play with her toys, go for a walk and look at colorful things.  We basically repeat  feeding-diaper-activity-nap over and over again.

At this point she is learning to see stuff hanging above her, and she can whack at them on accident.  She is also drooling a lot and nomming on her hand.  Tummy-time is limited, she hates it now, but she has excellent head control, I can hold her in my lap and she’s only a little bit wobbly.  She is nervous about rolling over even though she tries to do it when she’s propped up on her tummy.  She will cry and fuss until I roll her her over.  She’s being a little nervous about strangers, and even gets a little fussy if someone other than me carries her for longer than a few minutes.  However, she does recognize her daddy, her grandparents, my brother and my niece.  She really likes my niece too, must be her experience with her own siblings.

Sleep is a premium, and I’m learning to value it.  I’m trying really hard to get more sleep instead of staying awake, which has been my habit for the past 2 months.  I stopped doing it though because Gus said I was getting forgetful and really impatient, not to mention that I felt like I wasn’t giving Selina my best, and in the end, getting laundry done is nice, but not as important as being a good wife and mother to my family.

So far I have gone walking around the “loop” while it kicks in.

Update:

So it’s been months later, but I wanted to add what happened while I was on Las Drogas.  I ended up walking around the loop for what felt like a million years, and people would stare at me because I had the IV attached and I’m wearing a doofy gown.  My mom walked with me for a while and that helped, and it was funny because every time I walked by, Gus’ parents would check in on me.  I did have a few problems because an alarm went off while I was walking, evidently the battery was dead and the instruments were freaking out.

The baby kept moving so after a while, my nurse Kathy had me sit in the room because the baby wasn’t cooperating, she kept moving around and wouldn’t let the monitor, well, monitor her.  Already a troublemaker!  Kathy was very patient, but she ended up spending her whole shift chasing after the baby, moving the equipment on me so they could make sure she was doing okay.  In the end, when the next nurse came on shift, they didn’t want to deal with her so they popped in a monitor through my cervix and stuck it on her.  I imagined it as one of those suction darts with a lead on it, attached to her head, which is really funny mental image to have when you are in the middle of contractions.

I know, I have an overactive imagination.

Sunday was pretty slow because I was tired from taking a hugely long walk, so I didn’t have any contractions, practically.  Then Monday came and I was starting to get them again, probably because I rested.  So this morning they called and let me know it was time to get induced, but we weren’t ready and didn’t get there until 10:30 a.m.  They hooked me up and then monitored the baby for what felt like a million years.

There was drama though, we found out we could have an OB do the delivery instead of the resident that I was working with (and didn’t particularly care for).  So Gus had to handle that mess, but we got it sorted out.  It was a little stressful because we didn’t want to screw over the resident, but at the same time, we wanted to have a kickass experience if possible.

Gus is bugging me to go walk, so we’ll go for now.  I’ll update later.