Ninja by day, student by night

So here’s the thing, you can learn from my messy transactions and be a smart bride, or you can run along and waste time.

Ladies changing your name…buy 2 certified copies of marriage license when you turn in your marriage license, it’s fairly inexpensive, I think mine was $4 for one copy in Prosser. You want one copy to keep at home for those unforseen circumstances and a copy for immediate use.

When you have a day off go to Social Security with your certified copy and current driver’s license, they will update your social security card and mail you a copy that will come in a few weeks. No charge.

Give 24 hours or more for the update to go through the computer network, then go to the DMV. If you are like me, where I had to update my address, change my name and get my EDL (enhanced driver’s license), you will need a few things. I needed my current valid driver’s license, a bill in my name at my new address for the address update. You will need your certified copy of your marriage certificate to change your name, your current valid driver’s license (prove that you are a WA resident) and I also had my passport to show that I’m a U.S. citizen, but there are more ways to prove that, see the DMV site for a list of acceptable docs. You also need to know your social security number, but you don’t have to have the card. The DMV person needs to be able to find your SS with your new name in order for them to issue you an EDL, but they’ll give you a temporary driver’s license so make sure you get prettied up.

Now that you got that done, you can then do your passport change if you need to (that’s what the second certified copy of your marriage license is for, they have you send it in, so you don’t get it back).

I still need to update my accounts and talk to work about my name change, and I’ll update if I need anything unique when doing so.

Hope this saves you some time

The day before my engagement ceremony was probably the nicest day I had in a while. Just thinking back on it, I wonder how everything could run so smoothly and then turn into such a jumble. I figure that’s what big ceremonies are all about, especially when you are going into it with a blindfold, 5 blind women leading you and an off-kilter walking stick.

Friday I skipped my only class, it didn’t seem right to wait until 2 p.m. to leave for Seattle, even though I didn’t have any pressing obligations. My to-do list for that day was to make to Seattle with my mother (and Gus) without getting into an argument and pick up Katie (my “younger sister”) at 8 p.m. I also had to pick up a few more things for the engagment like the girl’s gifts and the gift for Gus.

I was really disappointed that Sophia couldn’t make it, there was a little bit of drama about that, because I had asked to take her to Seattle, and then her mom started calling my mom and brother to tell them that Sophia was sick and couldn’t make it.  I don’t know what to think, she was acting a little odd the days before this, she had called my brother to ask about who was driving and in what car, basically concerned mom questions, which is fine, but I already answered those questions for her.  Maybe the idea of Gus driving was scary? I thought she’d be less concerned because we’d be driving a safer, reliable car rather than my junk car with questionable reliability.  I wasn’t in the mood to play back and forth with her, so I just waited until she was ready to talk to me herself, which she did on the Friday morning.  She had asked my mom to tell me about the cancellation, and my mom reliably passed it along (as well as my brother), but they were both complaining about why she was bugging them about it instead of calling me.  That’s my family for you, we get annoyed by stuff like that, even though they pass it along.  So I was really annoyed that I had to listen to both my mom and brother complain about it and then deal with the big disappointment.  I wasn’t raging inside, but I wanted to cry because it would have meant a lot to me to have my niece there and I admit I was a little suspicious about whether Sophia was really sick or not.

It didn’t help that before the ceremony, Sophia called me to wish me good luck, and when I told her that I hoped she felt better, she stopped and drew a blank.  I’m paranoid, I suppose but something didn’t feel right.  In any case, I’m going to invite her family to the wedding, so even if she can’t go, she can have an invitation for herself as a memory.

There was one good thing about Sophia not coming, we didn’t have to wait until 3 p.m. for her to get out of kindergarten, so we took off that morning with my mom and while I drove to Western Washington, Gus started calling venues and keeping my mom occupied.  My mom makes me crazy so spending too much time in a small, enclosed space is hard on my eardrums and my mental health, so having someone to distract her was good.  We got there in record time and dropped my mom off at my brother’s place so she could rest and wait for my brother to get off work.  Gus and I decided to pick up some conveyer-belt sushi at Sushi Land, and checked into the hotel.  The Marriott in Tukwila is nice, but not as nice as some of the other places I’ve stayed at in that area, so if you want something basic, clean and looks up to date, stay there, it’s in walking distance of Southcenter and many food places.

I had a long drive to Kirkland after that, Katie (a girl I’ve known since she was 4) needed to be picked up and we had some shopping to do.  Part of the engagement ceremony is buying gifts for the family, and I still needed to buy a gift for Gus.  Traditionally the girl’s family buys an outfit for each member of the boy’s family and depending on who is invited, you can also buy an outfit for the boy’s relatives as well.  In my case since we were having a quiet engagement ceremony, I had to buy for Gus, his dad, his mom, his sister, my future brother-in-law, and Amrit, his sister’s son.  His mom and sister helped me buy an appropriate Indian women’s suit in Canada a few weeks back for themselves, and so it was up to me to buy the outfits for the guys, which was basically a dress shirt, and dress pants.  Gus helped me by getting the sizes and approving what I picked out for them even though technically I am supposed to buy everything by myself.  But I paid for it out of my wedding savings, so that should count in theory.

I ended up buying some really nice dress slacks and a shirt/tie set that I thought would look good on the guys, and also got a brown dress belt for his father because Gus said that he needed one.  I also picked up the cutest little pseudo dress suit for the nephew, which Gus thought was a great idea, I admit I am a sucker for those outfits, they look so sharp on the little boys. With Katie’s help,  Gus ended up getting an extra-special outfit that I picked out for him at Nordstrom Rack, they had the nicest Calvin Klein white shirt (his favorite brand), a super soft sweater cream sweater vest  and a pair of textured black and brown Kenneth Cole dress pants.

Next on the list was a Fruits Basket marathon!  Katie and I are not hardcore anime people, but I spread my addiction to this anime to her, and since she’s the only one I know that likes this particular show, I usually watch it with her.  Since it was late, we decided to pick our favorite episodes and watch as many as we could.  I passed out at 12 a.m. because I was too tired to watch, even though I really wanted to.  I really missed Katie, I haven’t seen her in about 2 years and she grew really tall!  She was probably almost 13 when I last saw her, and she was only a few inches taller than me, but now she was a towering 5’10″ give or take at 15.  Anyway, it was great to see her and we got to spend some quality time with her.  She had gotten her driver’s permit that very day, and if it hadn’t been so dark (and in Gus’ car), I probably would have had her drive.  It was really great to hear about all the things she’s been up to and her plans for the summer, which were all theater-based.  She loves being involved in the theater and even teaches a class about it to younger kids.  All in all, she’s amazing.

We ended up screwing around after getting all sugared up and taking pictures of each other with my camera.  They turned out terrible, but it was funny anyway.  I taught her my technique for looking like your teeth are knocked out, a la The Hangover (although this technique existed to when I was in middle school, my brother and I created it, along with the brownie cat poops).  Basically you take a sweet made out of chocolate, like cake, a brownie or a Tootsie Roll.  You squish it into a small square and place on your front tooth.  If the sweet is soft enough, it should stick and then just adjust it in the mirror to fit your tooth shape.  Next, refrain from laughing and smile at the first person you meet.  I guarantee they will look so surprised that it will make you die of laughter, if you haven’t already started laughing at your reflection.  Anyway, we took pictures, Katie looks downright scary with her missing two front teeth, and I look haggard in my picture or I’d share it.  Maybe if someone posts a pic then I’ll post mine, how about that?

I remember waking up a few times that night to her watching Fruits Basket and wishing that I had more time to spend with her, but I knew that I’d be in Seattle soon enough, but before she goes to college!  It’s okay though, she was there at an important time for me, and that meant a lot, I don’t have a lot of people that I’ve known for a long period of time since I move a lot.  In any case, the last time I woke up she was snoring a little and hanging over the bed in an odd position, which reminded me of the time I tried to have her watch “Lovely Complex”  with me in my twin bed (at her mom’s house).  That time she ended up falling asleep during the first episode and whacking me in the face while I was trying to enjoy the show.

I was looking forward to the next day, although there were a lot of unanswered questions in my mind.  Would the weather hold?  Would my outfit look the same as I remembered it?  How would I know what to do in the ceremony?  Would everyone show up on time?  Still, I didn’t want to show up to the engagement with big dark circles under my eyes, so I tried to go back to sleep and the next thing I knew, it was morning.

One thing that is very different from a typical wedding (Mexican, Christian, Catholic) is the engagement process. We all know about how the asker is supposed to go through a process, maybe doing something special like go to a nice restaurant, maybe go on a special trip or get down on one knee and ask. For me, that was an act that bothered me to no end, I couldn’t imagine Gus getting down on one knee, and the idea of it kind of made me feel ill. I admit I am a very sentimental person when it comes to certain things, but I knew I’d be uncomfortable if I was put on the spot like that. So when I found out that there was a special ceremony for getting engaged in the Punjabi/Sikh tradition, I thought that it would be a really great way for me to learn more about the Punjabi culture and experience a traditional Sikh engagement ceremony.

There’s a lot to prepare for an engagement ceremony because its the first time that people outside of the inner circle (the parents and the pair to be engaged) will meet the boy’s and girl’s families. In our case, we already did the ritualistic meetings, where his parents came to Kennewick to visit my family (my mother, my brother who lives in Seattle, and my niece, my brother’s daughter). As the hosts, we provided freshly prepared chai, hot samosas from India Palace, and sweets like julab (fried ricotta balls). We discussed potential issues about the marriage, and engagement dates. It was a chance for his family to get to know my family, and figure out some of the logistics of having a traditional Indian wedding with only half the family being Indian.

The second meeting was at his family’s home, and we got to meet his sister and her husband, as well as his parents again. We were fed a similar menu of Indian snacks and sweets, as well as his mom’s amazing cooking. Things didn’t go quite as well, there were some issues that I’ll bring up another time, but it didn’t end well, and I was really worried that we might not be able to get engaged. The language barrier was an issue as well, although both families speak English well, they are used to speaking Punjabi at home, so it was hard to know what was going on at times.

We went home tired, very upset and a little worried. After a few weeks, we found out that the engagement was still on, and that they were ready for us to get engaged. The trouble was that we had to keep it secret for a while, because they didn’t want any drama from people who didn’t understand what was going on with Gus and I. From what I can tell, they were concerned people might not take our engagement seriously and try to change his mind, which would be troublesome (and a bit annoying – I’ve been with him for almost 12 years now, I think he likes me, k?).

More on this later.

Well, we went and got it done, haha. The engagement ceremony went well, and everyone involved as family was there.

I’m still thinking about it, wondering what to say. It’s sort of hard to explain how difficult it was to get engaged without sounding negative, but I’m really glad that Gus and I managed to make things work out.

I admit, the best part about being engaged was the next day when Gus’ father gave me a real hug for the first time. I still get a little teary-eyed over it, I really missed having a dad around.

I definitely need to make a full post about the whole process, it was very interesting and probably something that an outsider might never learn about.