Ninja by day, student by night

Everyone is posting about what they are thankful for, and it makes me realize that I have a lot to be thankful for, despite all the challenges that our little family has dealt with this year.

I am grateful for my daughter, Selina, she’s my biggest reason to be thankful this year.  Tonight she is sleeping sweetly in her crib, unswaddled, and looking like a little angel.  She was so well-behaved (except when I put her down for her naps) while we cooked, cleaned and got the house ready for my family visit.  I am glad she is healthy, although I would really like to figure out a fool-proof way to deal with her dry skin, and a way to conquer her cradle cap.

After all my mom’s comments, she ended up coming to Seattle after all, although she wouldn’t stop talking about how traumatizing it was for her.  I think she came because she didn’t want to miss out on Selina’s first Thanksgiving.  The sad part was that I forgot to take pictures of our feast!

We ended up with roast turkey (roasted upside down and brined with Gus’ secret spice recipe), mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, salad, rolls, baked beans, corn, asparagus, Dutch apple pie, pumpkin pie, Jello cheesecake with dark chocolate and homemade berry topping.  I killed that cheesecake, it was soooo good with the berry and dark chocolate layer.  All I did was melt some dark chocolate, and poured a thin layer of it over the graham cracker crust, then I put in the cheesecake layer, and used my berry mix sauce on top.  The berries consisted of blackberries, blueberries, raspberries and strawberries, and they were just the right mix of sweet and tart.

Speaking of decadence, I managed to lose 4 lbs this week, although I think I gained a few back today, haha.  I’m trying to do the 30-day shred, and I’ve been doing it since last week, and I only missed two days.  I can’t tell that my figure is improving, but I’m satisfied that my weight is going down.  This is the first time I’ve dropped weight in over a month and a half, so naturally I’m really glad that the hard work is paying off so quickly.  I still have a lot to lose, around 15 lbs, but that won’t be too bad if I’m dropping the weight so quickly.

I’m pretty tired so I think I’ll crash, but I’ll say one last thing, I am very grateful that I survived this year, that I have a little girl, that my husband still loves me and that everyone’s health is good.

What a title right?  I have turned into such a “Negative Nancy” over the years, but actually I think I’m doing okay, much better than the past few days. I think having a weekly date with Gus really helps with my morale, plus I’ve been baking a lot lately, which is a huge stress reliever.  I miss my kitchen in Prosser, it wasn’t big, but I could watch tv, had space for my “recipe” laptop and I had all my fairly awesome kitchen appliances, plus a working oven.

I got to spend time with our friends and what I consider my new lil brother (since the wedding), which really cheered me up.  I wasn’t feeling very good yesterday but I attribute it to doing laundry, the stress of sharing a home with others and in general, just feeling like the baby is sucking my energy away from me.  Still, I was pretty active and later I ended up doing some errands with Gus, which was really tiring in the end, but it also made me feel good too because I burned off some of the food I ate at Panera.

I’m not sure but I think the baby is starting to get ready for doomsday.  I’ve been exhausted, and today was the first day that the Colace started working.  I was having really bad gas pains, and finally I was able to use the bathroom and that helped a lot.  Earlier this morning I was really hungry but couldn’t get myself to eat anything, everything looked disgusting and tasted like cardboard.  Gus made me eggs and I nibbled on some dry toast but it was painful.  However, after I cooked some chicken on the grill, I felt better.  My foot is still very painful and I don’t feel like walking much because it hurts so much, but I know that changing positions and getting some weight on it will help a little.

Currently I am getting BH contractions a few times a day.  I am seriously considering that I should sleep somewhere cooler, it is really hot in this room.  However, I like the comfort and having access to the tv is nice, plus I feel super-needy today, being around Gus is more important than anything else.  I’d rather walk around and deal with pain while spending time with him than be alone and comfortable.  I still think I should rest more and napping sounds so good but I don’t want to be around any stressful people right now.  I think it’s hormones but some people’s voices just grate on me and I sometimes feel like I need to leave or hide.

Today Gus got me nettle and raspberry leaf tea to help tone my uterus and get it ready for labor.  I’m a little nervous to take it, but I’m sure it will be fine.  I guess I worry that it will start my labor which is not what I want.  Ideally I’d like to have a few more days before the baby comes, but I wonder…

I love Jelly Belly sweets, they are so good! We have tons left over from the baby shower so I’m indulging a little, but I bet I can find a good way to use them up in some weird recipe concoction.

I don’t know why but today seems to be the day that everyone thinks that I should be in labor or something. Even Gus asked me if I thought the baby would come soon. Yeah right! If it was up to me, this baby will be stuck here until August 1st, no earlier. We will see though, after all, she is my first and they don’t typically come early as far as I can tell. It isn’t like I’m hopping around and doing stuff to get things started anyway. I’ll be satisfied as long as she turns out to be a Leo. Gus wanted to know if I didn’t get a Leo, if he would still be able to pick the second child’s sign…uh no.

My to-do list is long, but it mostly hinges on Gus, who has been busy with travel, but I think he needs to hurry up and finish everything so we can relax on our summer weekends. I can’t even get him to go on a walk with me, that’s his level of tiredness. I really wish things weren’t so tight right now, being able to buy the things I think we need would reduce some of my stress. We still need crib sheets, pack N play sheets, postpartum things (nursing bras, breast pads, down there pads, granny underwear), Ikea bins, a curtain for the baby room, etc. I probably should consider a diaper bag, and also work on packing the stuff for the hospital, such as a baby bag, daddy bag and a me bag. At least I got my toiletries together, that’s a start. I don’t have a lot of disposable clothing so I think I may wait on that part, but I imagine I won’t want to wear pants so that will make things easier.

The OB dr says I shouldn’t get stressed out, but it’s hard to avoid it. Even though I’m working, I haven’t been able to work full-time due to a ton of appts and in general not feeling great, but this past week I have been on a roll. I hope that I can keep at it so I can get a few big paychecks in before the baby comes. And that’s what gets to me, I’d rather be going out and doing things, or even hanging out at home, doing creative projects and in general, not worrying about money and trying to spend time with my favorite people.

I don’t get out much because I’m trying to be good about spending money (plus the inlaws get all nervous when I’m out and about by myself) and when I do, I feel better. It’s good to feel free and not feel like I’m sick or be stuck to other people’s schedules (I can go home when I feel like it). Still, I’m at home and even though I get tired, sometimes I think it would be nice to have friends nearby so I could hear about their stuff and maybe get invited to hang out every once in a while. I’m a little envious of Gus because people always invite him to things. Woe is me, wah wah.

Anyway, my health is good, but I was really annoyed to see some ugly purple marks on my underbelly. So not cool and you know once my stomach shrinks back up they will be smack dab on my waist. I guess I’ll have to get out the big guns for those suckers, and hope that in the next few weeks, I won’t get too much worse. What I’m worried about are the hidden ones, the ones that pop up AFTER the baby is out.

I hope that I can keep myself motivated in the next few weeks for work…
I hope that the baby won’t come for a few more weeks…
I hope I don’t get more stretch marks…
I hope that I’ll get some creative time for myself…
I hope I will get access to an oven before the baby arrives

Where did the time go? I wanted to keep up on things, and I didn’t get anywhere with it. Well I’ll just have to try harder from now on.

So I’m almost 6 months pregnant on Monday, and I’m starting to see some of the negative aspects that are occurring to my physical body. I am still tired, which sucks, because supposedly the 2nd trimester is my time to feel more energetic. Yeah right. I’m exhausted. It doesn’t help that I can’t sleep well.

tbc

1. I got to eat steak – It makes me happy because now I feel strong and my craving has been fulfilled
2. Got to take a nap today – this is good because if I didn’t work at home, I wouldn’t be able to rest when I have a headache, and have the ability to make up my hours
3. I got to watch Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood Part 2 today – I have wanted to watch this version but never got a chance

An exercise to appreciate the good things in my life.

1. Got to see my brother today – got my mind off of stressful worries
2. I got to talk to someone who might be able to help me figure out how to deal with stress better – gave me hope that my goals aren’t impossible
3. I ate a really delicious grilled cheese sandwich – it had mozzarella and I made the toast in the pan, so it was super-crispy/buttery/deliciously warm

And a Jolly Vindaloo day to  Outsourced fans too.   That was a funny episode, but it was a little weird watching the whole thing about a love match for an Indian couple and a mixed couple.  Too close to home for me, I think.  They make it look so easy.  Still, I’m glad where I am right now, sitting on the couch, writing about my first Dawali experience.

My only related experience is probably Easter or Christmas Day at the Catholic Church, where everyone shows up.  I haven’t been to a church service in years, but it is familiar to me, the crowded areas, no parking, but everything seems to shine more on a special day.  As far as I can tell, they have added a projector to the main area, and some Christmas lights.  I think they also made the book’s area even nicer, today it was bright orange with gold, it looked really fancy and all dressed up.  Goguji says it always looks like that, but I think like anyone, on a special day, everything looks special.

We did the normal thing, go in, pray etc. but it was hugely busy, tons of people were there, and the line to go pray was very long, but went quickly.  We saw some relatives and even stranger, I saw an Asian woman there.  She spotted me and we smiled at each other, silently supporting each other even though I was thinking, “You think I’m Asian, but I’m not.”  She kept her eyes on me, probably surprised that I was in full Punjabi gear.  I felt pretty fancy, I wore the rust and gold suit today, and got to wear my gold set as well.  I requested that I could wear the special bells and ribbon in my hair, and had a good time listening to myself jingle around.  It was pretty slippery out there since it was raining, I was lucky that goguji was nearby when I slipped down the hill.

We took some pictures when we got home, and we were lucky to have visitors later.  Amrit was very cute today but he bit me for the first time!  It hurt, but I’m okay now, it didn’t break the skin.  So now I’m going to bed, we are very tired and I want to get up to make pancakes tomorrow.

I’ve been super busy with school, work, married life and life outside of the home.  It might be the stress getting to me, but I’m at the point where I just can’t seem to get enough rest.  Gus is still fighting off a cold (or something), and honestly I could use a vacation, Thanksgiving can’t come too soon I think.

Still, I managed to do two good deeds today, but I think it might have wiped out my mental reserves because now I’m exhausted, don’t want to do homework.  So I thought I’d listen to something slightly empowering (Blondie) to get me pepped up (along with some chai), but it isn’t doing it for me.  Halloween is coming up too, and I reaaaaally want to dress up and be all elaborate with my costume design, but there’s no time.

The weather is cooling off, so it’s officially my favorite season now, and I can even wear my new jacket (even though the button popped off already, darn my chest).  I even strung up all my origami cranes so I can see how many I’ve done.  Approximately 400ish, give or take.  I thought I did more tbh, but I’ve given away many.

I also scanned in some of the test pieces I did over the summer, not including the one I did for my brother and the current one I’m working on (not finished).

It’s very disconcerting to look at something I’ve done, especially through a scan.  I can see all the little flaws and things that I missed, which is really a blessing in disguise, because now I can go back and fix them.  I definitely will try scanning in my work to make sure I didn’t forget some detail and see everything like a camera does.